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Couch - Lindsey M Henke, Twin Cities therapist

Latest from the Blog

a comfy chair with plants - Should I See a Therapist After My Pregnancy Loss?

Ask the Motherhood Therapist: Should I See a Therapist after my Pregnancy Loss?

Pregnant woman holding belly - what I want you to know about pregnancy after loss

What I Want You to Know about Pregnancy After Loss

Heartache - "I will not hide my grief, as I did not hide my love."

The Heartaches of Motherhood: I will not hide my grief, as I did not hide my love

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Hard Parts of Motherhood
Heartaches of Motherhood
Expecting After the Heartaches of Motherhood

The Motherhood Therapist

Your motherhood story matters.

My heart is breaking for the families of Uvalde, T

My heart is breaking for the families of Uvalde, Texas. Bereaved parents, if you are asking these questions today, you are not alone.

"How do we give over our rainbow babies, children we worked so hard to bring into the world with their hearts beating, over to a world that won’t protect them? That won’t value them? That doesn’t show an ounce of love for them? I sometimes can’t breathe at the thought of how callous a society we’ve become, in a world where guns matter more than kindergarteners."

My baby born after a loss is a sibling, not a repl

My baby born after a loss is a sibling, not a replacement!

I don’t believe in the idea of a replacement child.

The idea of a replacement child or the replacement child syndrome was coined in the 1960s by psychologists that were concerned the subsequent child would be at risk for psychopathology if the parents had not sufficiently grieved the child that died.

But, it is one of many myths about bereaved parents that we now know to not be true.

If researchers would listen closer to grieving parents they would have known this.

If anything, bereaved parents often make space for a baby born after the loss of another, as the sibling of their child who died.

Your baby born after your other died is a sibling, not a replacement.

📣 Sibling - Not a Replacement

💗 Ways to bond with baby born after loss 💗

5 ways when pregnant:
💗 Monitor baby’s movements
💗 Read, sing, talk to baby
💗 Name your baby
💗 Take bump photos
💗 Buy something for baby

5 ways to bond after birth
💗 Feed and hold baby
💗 Rock baby
💗 Sing & read to baby
💗 Wear baby
💗 Baby massage

Note on bonding: Know that it can be normal for PAL parents to struggle with bonding with their baby born after loss, either during a subsequent pregnancy or even after birth.

Be gentle with yourself and let the baby lead the way. The bonding will come.

If you feel like you need more help with connecting, reach out to your partner, provider and possibly a perinatal therapist for more support.

Find a therapist at https://www.postpartum.net/
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#pregnancyafterloss #expectingafterloss #parentingafterloss #pregnancyaftermiscarriage #pregnancyafterstillbirth #pregnancyafterTFMR #pregnancyafterinfantloss #pregnancyafterbabyloss #rainbowbaby #rainbowpregnancy #postpartumsupport #4thtrimester #supportmoms #lifeafterloss #griefandloss #hopeafterloss #hopeoverfear #bondwithbaby #babyloss

On 💐 Mother's Day 💐 Remember Mothers who ar

On 💐 Mother's Day 💐 Remember

Mothers who are yearning to be mothers
Mothers who have lost a pregnancy
Mothers who have lost a baby
Mothers who have lost a child

Because a mother is defined by the children she holds in her heart, not in her arms. ❤️
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#mothersday #bereavedmothersday #griefandloss #griefislove #amotherslove #amothersgrief #thisismotherhood #pregnancyloss #babyloss #infantloss #stillbirth #childloss #miscarriage #SIDS #TFMR #bereavedmother #lossmom #infertility #tryingtoconceiveafterloss #pregnancyafterloss #parentingafterloss

A mother is born when the idea of a baby is born w

A mother is born when the idea of a baby is born within her heart.

Mothers don’t hide this love.

We share it from the moment we squeal in delight when telling our partners we are going to be parents.

We share it by taking bump photos with fruit and posting them on social media for all to see.

We parent our babies yet to be born by attending appointments and passing on sushi and soft cheeses.

We parent our babies yet to be born by painting nurseries and purchasing them baby clothes.

We parent our babies yet to be born by taking birth and breastfeeding classes.

But when the bough breaks….

And the cradle falls…

And the pregnancy test never turns positive

And the red blood trickles down our leg

And the ultrasound stays silent

Our hearts break

When our baby dies or is never conceived.

But our love never dies.

Our love lives on.

Our grief is a symptom of our love.

And we don’t need to hide our grief, as we did not hide our love.
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#griefandloss #griefislove #amotherslove #amothersgrief #thisismotherhood #pregnancyloss #babyloss #infantloss #stillbirth #childloss #miscarriage #SIDS #TFMR #bereavedmother #lossmom #infertility #tryingtoconceiveafterloss #pregnancyafterloss #parentingafterloss

Happy Launch Day to my friend, @jennyalbersauthor,

Happy Launch Day to my friend, @jennyalbersauthor, and her book, Courageously Expecting: 30 Days of Encouragement for Pregnancy After Loss! 🎉

I had the honor of reading and endorsing this book last summer, and I know it is going to be such an encouraging book for so many in the loss and pregnancy after loss community.

Courageously Expecting helps readers find strength in themselves and within their faith to bravely open up their mama hearts to hope and dare to believe in the possibility of bringing home a baby after a previous pregnancy loss.

This book is available today at Amazon and your favorite retailer. Congratulations, Jenny!
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#pregnancyafterloss #courageouslyexpectingbook #themotherhoodtherapist #newreleasetuesday #newbooktuesday #bookstagram #booklaunch #courageouslyexpecting #courageousmama #PALSupport #PALAwareness #lifeafterloss #hopeoverfear #hopeafterloss

There were no baby showers, preparing of the nurse

There were no baby showers, preparing of the nursery, or taking birthing classes.

We were too afraid to jinx this baby’s arrival with preparing for a future that wasn’t guaranteed. We already had all the items we needed from our previous baby. They were perfectly placed and untouched in this new baby’s bedroom, right where we left them just 15 months before. But, as the weeks drew closer to her birth, we hesitantly chose to take little leaps of a faith that this baby might live.

There was a gender reveal party and a coming home outfit all her own that we placed in a hospital bag. It was packed just two weeks before her arrival. We did some little things deliberately to let in the light of joy during days that were often still shrouded by darkness and fear.

We even made a birth plan, which now felt like an oxymoron, but we went ahead with creating one anyway. This time it was a birth plan with a clause in it for losing a baby that we hoped we wouldn’t have to use.

Lub dub. Lub dub.

I could hear my heart beating in my ears as my eyes stayed focused on the surgical lamp above. In it, I could see the reflection of my OB-GYN lacerating my abdomen.

Within seconds of the incision, I heard the most sacred sound, the wailing of my second daughter’s lungs gasping for her first breath.

“Is she OK?! Is she OK?!” I would repeat a hundred more times as my husband leaned down and kissed my forehead, his tears mixing with mine.

After the nurses tossed her back and forth like a football over the scale and wrapped her in a receiving blanket, they placed her on my chest. Her skin touched mine.

“She’s so warm. So warm,” I said in disbelief that this baby was not cool to the touch like my other.

I searched her face for a person who was not there, disoriented by grief and how the past can show up in the present. I hoped for a moment I was meeting my first daughter once again. The dissociation only lasted a second. Within a heartbeat, my soul filled with joy and connected to the new little bundle of life we had created. [Continued in comments]

I can be BOTH mad at my body for losing my baby A

I can be BOTH mad at my body for losing my baby AND still love my body and not see it as a failure.

I can be BOTH jealous that my friend is pregnant AND hope her baby is healthy.

I can be BOTH sad my baby died AND not feel guilty when I laugh while grieving.

I can be BOTH grieving my baby that died AND grateful I’m pregnant again.

I can be BOTH grateful for my children AND frustrated with parts of parenting.

The beauty of being human is we get to be both/and when it comes to how we feel, what actions we do, and who we are.

We are not one-dimensional characters in a children’s cartoon.

We are multidimensional beings who experience multilayers of emotions that happen in the world at the SAME TIME.

The both/and helps us hold all of these truths and emotions together.

It validates our experience.

It can validate our motherhood. Even as bereaved mothers. As we ARE mothers.
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#themotherhoodtherapist #griefandloss #grief #griefsupport #normalizegrief #familysupport #hardpartsofmotherhood #heartbreakingpartsofmotherhood #lifeafterloss #pregnancyloss #miscarriage #stillbirth #TFMR #infantloss #childloss #babyloss #bereavedmother #bereavedparents #lossmom #stillamother #thepowerofand #bothand #pregnancyafterloss #parentingafterloss

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